tear-tightened cheek pores

revelation: my mum doesn't listen to me.

i feel blue

everyone knows when they're feeling sad.

but do most people know why they're feeling sad?

this is something really interesting to me, because i myself find it rather weird when people go "i'm sad, but i don't know why". i've always known why i'm sad, it's never something that is totally obscure to me. rather, i ask myself "why are you feeling sad because of this?" and i highly doubt that people don't know what's causing them to feel blue even if they claim they don't. we always have an idea why this certain event caused us to feel this certain way. i guess it's because they don't want to admit they're feeling sad because of this reason, a lot of the time.

blah.

i'm feeling shitty today, it's because of young designers. and the end of holiday bluuuuess. too much work, too much procrastination, not much time left at all. jenny is terrible, hahaha. and on top of this shitty mood i'm trying to write some shit that's on the top of my head and it's coming out terrible, so i'm going to end this before i go off on a total tangent like i always doooo.

peace!

some words to the past.

ben, i just want you to know
that i really want to thank you
for everything you've taught me.


i'm finally taking my own advice.

my seven deadly sins.

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?	Mum. ):
What is your weapon of choice?	My words
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?	Never say never.. right?
How about the same sex?	Same goes, I'm not sexist
Who was the last person who got really angry at you?	Probably mum, lol
What is your pet peeve?	Hmm... unhygienic people. ):
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?	I change my mind a lot. Some grudges I can hold forever, but I'm teaching myself to let things go.
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't?	I'm supposed to meditate daily, but i'm too lazy to..
What is the latest you've ever woken up?	Two? xD i feel really, really bad if i wake up late. I hate it.
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?	Bobo. I miss her <3
What is the last lame excuse that you made?	Oh man, I'm full of lame excuses. But the last/most common would be "can't be stuffed"
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?	Yes, I have actually. Some are very captivating, so I'm sitting there mesmerized
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?	I don't have an alarm clock, but, mentally.. about ten.
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?	Starbucks. Such extravagant indulgence!
Are you a meat eater?	Yes, I am. ): i'm not proud of it.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?	I don't drink much alcohol.
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?	I'm really awkward with eating in front of people sometimes, i fumble with my knife and fork a lot, haha
Do you enjoy candy and sweets?	YESSSSSSSSSS. sweet tooth ftw!
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?	Hmm. salty.
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?	Lmfao! Yeah i have
Greed
How many credit cards do you own?	Not 18 yet ):
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?	I would spend a day hyperventilating/stressing about it 'cause that's the kind of girl i am.. i'd donate most of it. I don't really like money.
Would you rather be rich or famous?	Famous.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?	Absolutely not
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?	I'm proud of the way I think.
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?	Probably last year's English result + artistic achievements
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?	To create a beautiful, wonderful family
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?	Yes. I do
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?	Yeah ):
Have you ever cheated to get a better score?	Yep
What did you do today that you're proud of?	I listened to a friend when she needed someone to listen, and comforted her. It's the best feeling
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?	Uhm.. I honestly do not know. Childhood swimming pool changing room flashback... D:
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)?	Goodness, I don't know
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?	Unfortunately i have.
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?	I love girls' abdomens. I think it's pretty. Not even bi/les. ):
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?	Noppers
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?	Lmao a prostitute who comes onto a sixteen year old little asian chick? I'd question their mental health before being scared.
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?	I would love Elayna's mum's massage chair. HEAVEN
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?	Hmm.. joanna. ;D
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?	I'd be me.
Have you ever been cheated on?	Nope
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?	Yes, I think most people wish that time to time ):
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?	The natural ability to be good around people.
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often?	Sloth.
Do you do the least often?	Gluttony.
Is your favorite to act on?	Lust.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

about me.

Basics:
Name:	Jennifer Tyler Gao
DOB:	27th February 1993
Birthplace:	Tianjin, China
Current location:	Auckland, New Zealand
Eye color:	Dark brown
Hair Color:	Black
Height:	164cm
Heritage:	Chinese
Piercings:	Both ears
Tattoos:	-
Favorite:
Band/Singer:	Stereo Skyline, Panic at the Disco, the Veronicas, Michael Jackson, A Rocket to the Moon, Breaking Benjamin, Rilo Kiley, the Click Five
Song:	Far too many to name.
Genre of Music:	Almost anything, mainly alt/indy rock/pop, rock/pop, r'n'b.
Color(s):	Ruby red, grey, cornflower blue, ochre yellow.
TV show(s):	Masterchef... haha.
Movie(s):	Whale Rider, the Notebook, Titanic, Forrest Gump, Wall.E, Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire.
Food:	Anything.. serious. ;D
Store:	A store with everything in it. Like Farmers? So I can drift from section to section and see pretty things and not get caught doing random shit.
#:	3, 7.
Drink:	Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, apple juice, redbull + vodka, ginger beer, sparkling grape juice.
Clothing Brand:	Cotton On
Shoe Brand:	Novo
Animal:	Cheetahs, the domestic cat, sparrows, deer, the equine.
Pizza topping:	Seafood, pepperoni, salami, onion. Pineapple! Anything BUT olives and capsicum, yuckyuck.
Season:	I love all the seasonsss.. summer just a little bit more i guess. :D
Month:	December.
Holiday:	It's a tie between Christmas and New Years. I loooove New Years!
Flower:	Poppies.
This or That:
Sunny or rainy:	Both? Pleaees? :D well i don't like slightly rainy days. If it's gonna rain, thunder plz.
Chocolate or vanilla:	For most things chocolate.. but for smells, vanilla.
Fruit or veggie:	FRUIT <33333333
Night or day:	Night. Forever night.
Sour or sweet:	Sour.
Love or money:	Without a doubt love.
Phone or in person:	In person
Poor & happy or rich & miserable:	Poor and happy. Happiness is the important thing.
Looks or personality:	Personality.
Coffee or tea:	Right now? Tea. I'm so sick of coffee, so gladly tea. :D
Hot or cold:	Hot, i don't like the cold.
Your:
Goal for this year:	There's a lot. To be more happy, is what all of them lead up to.
Most missed memory:	Hmm... there's not that much. I guess my childhood, and being really close with the g'parents. ;D
Best physical feature:	Gosh.. i don't know, really. Lips? Hands?
First thought waking up:	I'm grateful.
Future:
Do you wanna get married:	Yes, i absolutely do. <3
Do you wanna have kids:	Yes, eventually. When my patience level rises a bit.
If so, how many:	Three.
Do you wanna go to college:	Yessir. ;D
What do you want to be:	I want to be happy and in love.
Do You:
Dance in the rain:	Oh my, definitely. It feels like absolution
Smoke:	No, it's disgusting. Although i know if i start i'll never stop.
Drink:	Occasionally, alcohol isn't the best taste ever.
Shower daily:	Yeaa, otherwise i feel gross.
Like thunderstorms:	I absolutely love them with all that i am
Curse:	Occasionally
Sing:	I dance more
Play an instrument:	I used to
Think you are good looking:	I think i'm alright.
Get along with your parents:	Haha, I fight with my family so much, but it's only because of my horrid temper. I do get along with them yes.
Other Questions:
Can you whistle:	Only when I'm by myself, or by accident. :( i say i can, and people around me are like "PROVE IT!" but i never can prove it. sigh!
Right or left handed:	Right
Your bedtime:	Whenever i feel like, these days around 1am. Eep!
Biggest fear:	Regret and loss.
3 things you can't live without:	My family. My friends. Art.
Color of your room:	Yellow ;D
Siblings:	None
Middle name:	Tyler
Pets:	A fat-ass four year old tabby
Nicknames:	Gao. "Jen Bunny". My friends are not very creative. ):
For or against gay marriage:	Absolutely for.
Thoughts on abortion:	I'm not really for it, but it's your body and your life. I can absolutely understand both sides to this.
If you could be anywhere right now where would you be:	I'm where I want to be.
Do you wear contacts/glasses:	Glasses. Yeah. ): i want contacts.
Are you afraid of the dark:	No, i love the dark. I'm afraid of what's lurking in the dark.

(taking these so i can reflect back on them later, and go "hmm, what a person i was back then...!")

teenage toothache

i love giving advice to people.

but i wish i took my own advice more.

if i weren't so set on art/design, i would pursue being a psychologist. it's so fascinating how our minds work and operate, how we react to situations. how each thing we do makes up who we are and no one else can replace our individuality. 

goin' to shelle's tonight.

yay.

girlie time with the girls. can anything be better?

i love sleepovers.

then going to see ice age three tomorrow. yay. i'm excited, ice age is hilarity on a stick. ;D

THEN seeing harry potter. yay for harry potter! i don't read the books, but i love the movies. ron & hermione ftw plz. they're absolutely fantastic.

also, i just got off the phone with a friend and.. i realized that when i'm absolutely terrible at explaining things or trying to get my point across. ): it's rather saddening, haha, because i go off on tangents so much that i don't remember what the point was anymore. i tend to use a lot of random as hell analogies, and then i forget what i was trying to say. then there's a lot of random gaps where i try word my sentences right. lol! then the person on the other end of the line doesn't fully get the gist of what i'm trying to tell them. this is extra frustrating when i'm all passionate and trying to convince them of a certain idea. it never works. ): this is something i need to be better at or no one's ever going to fully understand me.

i'm eating christmas pralines. they're chocolates. pralines = chocolate? or pralines =  something fancy. wait, i'm googling this.

pralines = boiling sugar and ground nuts, used as a filling for chocolates. hmm.

so i'm eating pralines. from christmas. it's now mid-july. can chocolates go off? no.. they just get stale, right? am i going to die from eating this? :S well if i am i might as well keep eating.

standing out in the rain.

if i were a colour i'd be a grey cobalt blue. a dusty, forgotten colour that somebody might trip over and say, "well i forgot that was there, silly me!"

i would be a fox with a pixie face, triangular and only beautiful if you stare at it long enough.

i would be a thunderstorm whistling through windows.

i would be the smoke of burning pine wood. it's dangerous, dear, polluting with a delicious beauty somewhere mixed in it so it makes you breathe, breathe it even when your lungs cry out.

i would be a cold touch of fingertips on his back, questioning, commanding, demanding.

silencing.



my hands smell like chlorine, and the last time i even thought about the pools was the last time i felt silenced.